Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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