You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
