I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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