So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Randomize
