all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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