i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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