Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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