She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
