doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
