she was so not down for the gang bang
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
