I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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