I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
