Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
