On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
