an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
