i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
