Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
