We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
