I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
