for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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