i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The struggles of a small town man whore
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
