the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
