your parents love me but you hate me
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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