Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
