You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
