I think im going to throw up on grandma
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
