i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
