Dual....:-)
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
