I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
