So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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