I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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