You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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