Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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