do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
