that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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