2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
