It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
