Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
