You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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