Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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