Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
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