The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
