wat bout pragnant strippers??
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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