We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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