He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's shark week go big or go home
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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