weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
