Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
