Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
