This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
