I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
