Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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