hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
